A heart full of doubts

A heart full of doubts

Sometimes you have a dream grasped tightly in your hand and you don’t want to let go. Why would you? Why would you let a dream slip through your fingers? You want to keep hold of it until it’s truly yours. You want to feel that triumphant moment when your dream explodes in your hand and spreads its shrapnel all over your body, all over the world. You want to see that explosion. You want to see your dream fulfilled.

But sometimes your dream doesn’t want to explode. It wants to shrink. It wants to liquify itself. It wants to ooze out of your hand, onto the ground, deep down, six feet under, perhaps deeper. You can’t understand. Your dream is your dream, but your dream sometimes doesn’t want to be yours. It wants to be free. It wants to go away from you. And it does everything in its weird power to put obstacles in your path to prevent you from making it explode. The dream just doesn’t want to be fulfilled.

When a dream of yours acts like this, your heart starts to beat. And it’s not a pleasant beat like when you’re falling in love, but an anxious beat, one that hammers and hammers and hammers, pumping fear into your veins to every inch of your body. It feels terrible. You have a dream, but your heart is telling you it might not happen. Your heart tells you your dream doesn’t want to explode. Your dream doesn’t want to be fulfilled. Your dream wants to slip through your fingers.

But it’s just the way it is. Your dream, whatever it is, will either explode or slip away. There is no in between. You can say a dream is halfway completed, but halfway is as good as gone. A half-completed dream is a dream that got away.

So work hard. Whatever your dream is, do what you can to make it explode and shower your soul with its delicious and victorious pieces. If your dream is to become the world’s best carrot juggler, to invent a new technology, or to win someone’s heart, just do it. Go for it. You’ll either win or lose. No more. The more you delay, the more doubtful your heart will be. Don’t wait. Just go and do it. Never let go of those dreams. Hold onto them tightly and keep an eye out on those spaces between your fingers. We don’t want any little leaks now, do we?

-Ralph Serr

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